We were listening to the stream of the Sunday sermon since our efforts to attend the church service failed. I simply had us pray individually as we lay in bed. But despite not going it worked itself into a blessing.
While the stream played worship music and eventually the sermon, I made breakfast. Your favorite: vienna sausage, egg, dried seaweed, and rice with banana ketchup and mayo. Just for kicks, I had mentioned you should read the new marriage book we had purchased (How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair: A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful by Linda J. MacDonald) while I cooked. So you did. You coursed through all 90 little pages of that thing.
Now, I’m not entirely sure what God did to your heart that morning your reading and the sermon, but praise the Lord.
You hugged me.
I’m 99% sure that’s the longest you’ve ever embraced me so tightly.
Not even our freshman hello-summer goodbye outlasted this.
Who knew a collection of words from a stranger could be so powerful?
You held me tightly in your arms as we listened to the closing prayer throughout the worship music. I’ve never felt so safe. My eyes were tearing up without hesitation so I turned my head against your chest and embraced your tighter. I could sense yours were too. Your breathing slowed and a few soft sniffling inhales escaped you. I didn’t want that moment to end. I still close my eyes hours later to relive the moment and smile.
Darn you. Why do you have to melt my heart with one look of your eyes? Why do you have to make me crave that embrace again? Why is it so hard to ignore kissing your lips when you smile so sweetly? What can’t I think when you kiss my forehead?
I want to be mad at you and I feel my heart softening. I’m afraid to ease up on you in fear of your efforts to seduce my heart to subside.
I want you to love me this way forever. It’s what I’ve known is inside you and it’s finally awakening. It’s the love I’ve been waiting for. The love of a good husband.
You are behaving so differently already.
- First off, you hugged me and wouldn’t let go.
- You kept kissing my head and temple gently.
- You swayed to the music with me in your arms.
- You played worship music on your guitar after.
- You asked what type of music triggers me and said you’d keep that in mind.
- You made love to me without a sadness in your eyes.
- You cradled my face in your hands.
- You left my heart at peace when you went to work.
- You didn’t blow up when I called you to check in for reassurance.
- You used actual full sentences to comfort my heart.
- You said I love you.
- You called me during your lunch break.
- You spoke so openly about your day.
- You texted me just to say I’m thinking of you.
- You’re still making me smile.
- You cried.
All acts done by you. Your free will.
You never cry. That alone freaked me out. But it’s good for me to see you cry, because I know you feel hurt too. My goal is for both of us to stop crying some day. I think we’ve finally begun to walk down the path that can lead us there.
Thank You, Lord. A million times, thank you. We don’t deserve Your goodness Lord, yet You still have mercy on us and pour out Your blessings. Take this marriage in Your hands. We surrender it to You. We will worship You throughout all of our days. Please, grant us the strength to pursue holiness, to pursue You, and to pursue love. Thank You for this marriage. Keep my eyes focused on love. Teach my heart to forgive like You do. Teach him to love like You do. Help us to heal. Teach us both to exemplify a godly marriage. It is in You that we will truly find joy in our marriage.
In Your name, Amen.
Thanks for reading and thank you for your prayers.