How do you know when you’re suppose to give up on sombody? How do you know when it’s time for you to move on?
I’ve been MIA for a little while. My heart hasn’t been in it. I haven’t felt the energy to put my thoughts on screen. Most of my words have been spoken to empty air. Or at least that’s how a part of me feels. I’ve cried out to God, I’ve cried to my family, to the prayer warriors, to my husband. All to no avail it seems. I’m struggling to trust that this all under God’s plan.
Long story short, my husband filed for divorce. It’s not mutual. It doesn’t seem hopeful that he is going to change his mind. He said that this just isn’t what he wants anymore. He doesn’t want my love… even though I have an endless amount ot give. He said I’m perfect in every way. Not to change. But we both know that this situation is going to destroy some part of me, no matter how much I try to hold on to it.
My heart hurts. My head, too. I’m so confused. I don’t know where to turn or who to really contact to stay distracted. You know, adult life. Everyone is busy and it isn’t their fault or their total responsiblity to pick up the broken pieces of me. I have to do that myself. I just certainly woulnd’t mind a little help. Where are you God?
I was raised to never give up on someone when they are going through a hard time. Right now, he certainly is. But this is the time when I guess I need to learn how to give up on someone that’s given up on you. It would be completely different if he wanted to fight too. But he’s walking away, knowing that it’s a selfish decision, knowing that life is going to be completely broken, knowing that he’s destroying a woman he loved to do it. So whatever he is battling inside himself is an absolute doozy, to me.
I guess it’s time to give up and move on when you realize they have already. It’ll take time. It took me weeks to realize that he no longer deserved me. He’s not in love with me. So no matter how much I love him he will never receive it and understand its true value. He can never appreciate what he has with a sincere reciprocation. And I will never get what I deserve if I settle for not respecting myself enough to stop waiting for him to wake up. I have to walk away. Even though it kills me. And then when I’m reborn, I can move on and walk a new path that will lead me to someone worthy of who I am. I just need to rely on God to get me there.
I'm just a woman. 